The Risk of Forgiveness - It's Complex Part 1

Understanding the complex nature of forgiveness, the risks, ways to protect yourself and the benefits. Article 1 of a 4 part series.

Have you ever been in a situation where you've been hurt, disappointed, or betrayed by someone? If so, then you know firsthand about the conflicting emotions about the person who caused you pain. 

This article will take you through things to consider about the complicated nature of forgiveness, the risks and benefits, and how the guidance of counseling can help you minimize risks and provide maximum gain.

Forgiveness is a Complicated Process

The process of considering to forgive is complex and challenges our emotions, logic, and memories. It can be overwhelming or even scary to think about forgiving someone who has hurt you, especially if that person is still in your life.

You might feel like you're letting them off the hook, or that it will make things worse. You might be afraid of what they'll do next by allowing your defenses to relax and letting your guard down.   

Considering forgiveness can be even more of a challenge if the offender is deceased. The memories may continue to affect your life in ways that you may not have realized until later.

Forgiveness Can Be a Long Process

Forgiveness is a process that takes time—and it doesn't happen overnight. In fact, research suggests that it can take years for some people to truly forgive the person who hurt them.

Some of the challenges of forgiveness include:

• The desire to hold onto anger, pain, and resentment
• The fear of being vulnerable again
• A lack of self-worth due to past experiences

Conflicting Emotions When Thinking About Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be difficult because it often requires letting go of anger, resentment, and hurt that may have been deeply ingrained in the individual. It can also be difficult to let go of a sense of justice or fairness and forgive someone who may have wronged us.

Anger, hatred, and disgust can all be part of it and yet it is also possible to feel personal shame, guilt, or remorse about something that was never our fault.

If you find yourself in this position and are struggling to move past it, then you may be wondering if forgiveness is something that's possible for you or even worth it.

If you find yourself thinking about the pros and cons of forgiveness and are not sure what to do next, please contact Darryl Donlin, LCSW at This Is NOW Counseling by clicking on the "Request a Free Consultation" link below.  Select a time that is convenient for you to begin a conversation.